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I just got out of a relationship of two years with a married man. When I read the first few sentences of this article I was amazed at the excuses they were EXACTLY the ones he used on me.
I'm divorced because my husband cheated on me and I was angry at this other woman and just wanted her to leave me and my husband alone so we could work on our marriage; but it takes two to have an affair. My husband continued his affair and we divorced and I later found out he had not just one, but at least two and fathered a child from one of the affair's he had.
I moved on with my life and have dated off and on. I met a man two years ago who told me he and his wife "lived as roommates". He said it was for financial reasons because she does not work and he pays all the bills. He said she was basically to lazy to get a job and that he had been pushing her to get one. This man has four (4) children from three (3) different women (track record ???).
Anyway, we began talking and hanging out as friends and having lunches together. Soon we got involved in a relationship and when I would get suspicious about the truth behind the reltionship with his wife he would get very defensive. He always had me apologizing for being suspicious.
While we were dating he filed for divorce and she never contested it so it was a slam dunk! However, he made excuses not to move forward with the divorce which of course made me even more suspicious.
One year later we moved in together and he came home very excited telling me that his wife knew everything he had "come clean"! When I asked what he was talking about because as far as I knew she already knew he was in a relationship she just didn't know who I was. He explained that he told her who I was and that was what he meant by "coming clean". About 30 minutes after he gave me this information I got a phone call from his wife asking me what was going on between me and her husband. I spent about an hour on the phone with her and found out that he had been living a double life for an entire year. He had been sleeping with both of us and she had no idea that he was in fact on the lease and living with me in an apartment that we had gotten two months prior to her calling me. After I got off the phone with her I had gone back into the room where he was and asked if he wanted to tell me anything. He asked what she said and I demanded he tell me the truth, well I got it! He admitted to having slept with both of us and lying for the entire year. He also stated as it was near Thanksgiving when all of this came out that he was going to end it with her. He took another step in the divorce case to try and prove that he wanted to be with me. Again, he then let the case drag out and made more excuses.
He left for New York in December and was gone through the holidays and was coming back on New Years Eve day. I had made plans for us as his plane was to land in the morning and he insisted his wife drive him home because he had taken his youngest daughter with him to New York to visit his two oldest kids that live in New York. He said he did not want a confrontation at the airport in front of his daughter, I told him I would wait in the parking lot and he could call me when his wife was gone; he still insisted she drive him home. I waited all day just to find out he spent the day shopping with his wife and kid in San Diego all day then proceeded to go home with his wife have sex with her and then he came home to me with a hicky on his chest.
He begged me to take him back and kissed my a&& the rest of the night trying to get on my good side. I wanted to kick him out I was so angry! I let him stay but the anger was still there, we fought almost everyday after that. I ended up supporting him financially since he said he had to pay all of her bills, it was a mess. I finally kicked him out after reading a text message from his wife that was about him telling her he wanted to work on the marriage. I woke him out of a dead sleep and told him to GET OUT! He did but it didn't end there...
He moved back in with his wife and it lasted for about two weeks before he ended up moving in with a roommate. This time I went to see where he was living since he said he still wanted to be with me. We started dating again and about two weeks after he moved in with this roommate I got several text messages from his wife about how he had been sleeping with her even after he moved in with this roommate. He denied it and stated she was just angry about us being together and was trying to break us up. Another mess...
We went back and forth for to long! He kept me hanging on and when it got to the final stages of the divorce he began to pull away. His kids had come down from New York and he said they had to stay with his wife since he was working nights. He also decided to stay at her house and said there was not enough room at his place for him and his three kids. I told him I thought he was playing house and again he denied it stating it was just about space for the kids. He invited me to his house (the house with the roommate) two nights in a row while his kids were down so I could meet them. I spent the night one night and the second night despite his plea's for me to spend another night I went home. He had also invited me for an outing with him and his two oldest kids. All of this took place in July 2009.
At the end of July I had been laid off from my job and was devastated. I called him and told him and two days later he said he wanted to work on his marriage. However, it still was not over!!! In August 2009 we still were seeing each other and he would talk about being confused about what he wanted and scared because his oldest daughter was angry that he didn't try harder with her mom. He told me he didn't want his youngest daughter to grow up angry and felt he should focus back on his marriage. This did not stop him from inviting me to an outing in San Diego for a friends birthday. It was agreed that this would be our last weekend together, but I was so angry at the events that took place this particular weekend. He had given me the code to his cell phone to unlock it (first time ever) but I didn't read to much into it. We went out Friday night with friends of his and had a good time. At the end of the night he was pretty drunk and eventually passed out. I went through his cell phone and saw all of the evidence! Oh, and I also noticed he had a tan line from wearing his wedding ring, something he'd never had before. The pictures I found in his phone told me everything... When we were driving back home from San Diego the next day he was on the phone with his wife and stated "I love you (blew a kiss over the phone)" and hung up. I looked at him in total shock, he said he had to put up a front or she would know he was with me. When we got back to my place things happened and we fell asleep and I was woken up by the ringing of his phone. He answered it and it was his wife. He left the room and spoke quietly then came back into the bedroom and asked for a ride home. We were supposed to be going to a BBQ and when I asked about it he said his wife told him he had spent to much time already partying with his friends and it was time to come spend time with the family. I made him call a friend and get a ride back to his place, he had kissed me goodbye and told me would call me the next day. I was so angry and had initially told him I would not say anything to his wife, but I ended up sending her an e-mail and it turned into a war of e-mails that ended with him blocking me from his cell phone and sending me e-mails stating he was "in fear for his safety and the safety of his family and leave me alone". I was shocked by what the e-mails read and very angry at him. Nonetheless, we are now done and it was the biggest waste of two years that I will NEVER get back! Not to mention the lies he has spread about me to other's he works with.
Anyone who reads this would probably think why the heck didn't I leave when the truth first came out, well I keep asking myself the very same question... Next time a man tells me he is married I AM RUNNING THE OTHER DIRECTION!!!
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